thirstydinosaur.com Blog

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.  End of Story.

Well that didn’t work. Ok, just go here I guess:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lnt0h7P-Uk&feature=related

Well friends the holiday season is upon us. 

St. Patrick’s Day?  No.

Easter?  No.

The NCAA Tournament.  The greatest 2 weeks of the year. 

I FUCKING LOVE THE NCAA TOURNAMENT.  Christmas is like an atomic wedgie compared to the tournament.  In fact this is how much I love the tournament:

If you could put all the joy of Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, and Spring Break into a pill… and I could take that pill with 3 Advil and a hit of X… and sit in my corduroy recliner while Clapton played “Ain’t Giving Up on Love” in my living room & Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island fellated me…you’d be somewhere in the neighborhood of the level of euphoria that I will wallow in tomorrow at 12:30pm EST.

I’ve been so amped up for this all week I’m afraid to touch myself - I don’t want to risk getting into full throw only to have the image in Michael Beasley pop in my head as I’m shooting lil’ Barrys into my Winnie the Poo pillow case.

Jeff Barry.  Out.  

Time for Jeff Barry to do something Jeff Barry hasn’t done in a while*: a Friday Random 10.

1. Don’t Think Twice - Susan Tedeschi (Austin City Limits)

2. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap (Speak for Yourself)

3. You May Be Right - The Vitamin String Quartet (VSQ Tribute to Billy Joel)

4. Mistaken I.D - Citizen Cope (Citizen Cope)

5. Soul Survivor - Rolling Stones (Exile on Main Street)

6.  You Gotta Move - Rolling Stones (Sticky Fingers)

7.  When Something is Wrong - Renee Austin (Sweet Talk)

8.  One Good Man - Janis Joplin (The Essential Janis)

9.  People of My Village - Rusted Root (Welcome to My Party)

10. Hey 19 - Steely Dan (A Decade of Steely Dan)

Today’s Awards:

Best Opium Den Song: #2

Best song for mid thirty’s dude trying to hook up with his friend’s girlfriend’s younger sister: #4

Thinks about it.  Enough of an indie edge to convince her you’re not her fucking dad sitting at home listening to The Mamas and The Papas and doing taxes on a Friday.  And enough of a beat to convince her that, although you graduated from college in the mid 1990s, you still party a little bit. 

Let’s face it she’s 25, you’re 35 and the 10 year difference did not escape her.  If she wanted to be out with a dude that knows the lyrics to “Chain Hang Low” and drinks his body weight in Jager then she’d be at Chip’s house playing beer pong and watching T-Bone and Smitty take a 3 story beer bong to the head. 

Well she’s not at Chip’s crash pad.  She’s in the passenger seat of your newish Tahoe with satellite radio cuz you’re the slightly more mature, imminently more successful and wealthy version of Chip.  Act like it because if she get in and you start trying to get it crunk wit lil John or lil Wayne or whothefuckever then you’re not cool slightly older but still fun guy with expensive furniture, you’re creepy old dude with a Peter Pan complex.

Best Roller Skating Song: #10.

Seriously.  Listen to this song around 3 or more people over the age of 30 in the presence of a broom and I fucking guarantee a limbo will break out.

jeff barry.  late.

*The 3rd person thing?  A little annoying? I know…just trying to up my google rank.

Global Warming? Probably doesn’t seem much like a Thirsty Dinosaur topic does it?  Well, its not really but unfortunately for you guys I’ve just had my 3rd conversation in as many days with an idiot - or, as he liked to call himself, an economist - and I’m pissed.  So today I’m blogging about global climate change.  I’ll try to return you to the regular schedule of dick and fart jokes soon, I promise.

One of the many hats I wear (jesus, does it get any more cliche than that?) is my economist cap.  I’ve tried to avoid mentioning that here as I’ve come to realize that economists are far and away the dumbest group of people on the planet.  Seriously.  I’m not kidding.  Really fucking stupid.

Oh they seem smart enough, always presenting intense mathematical models and making what seem to be well researched predictions.  And if any of them could see their models and predictions for what they really are - an interesting intellectual exercise and nothing more - then they would be a harmless enough group.  But no, these pricks always want to bring their tool kit over to the policy realm and try to solve real problems.  That’s where things get really sticky.

Case in point: global climate change.  Yesterday afternoon I read a colleague’s paper on global warming and “optimal policy” (no I will not cite the paper as referencing scholarly publications would take this blog to a level of nerdiness that, quite frankly, I’m just not ready for).  Continuing on, my reaction to the paper was basically, “eh, interesting paper…but it’s total horseshit.”

I then proceeded to get a heated arguement with the author whereupon I think I may have called him an asshat.

My basic problem is this: economists love to approach the problem of climate change policy as a cost benefit analysis.  That is, it really doesn’t matter whether global climate change is human induced or not, that’s not the relevant question.  The relevant question is who should clean it up? Us or our kids?

Simplifying the economists outlook a little it goes something like this:

• calculate current productivity/income/output/whatever
• estimate the $ hit that this figure would take if we imposed strict policies on the companies that own those big smoke stacks that send shit into the air
• estimate the net present value of future productivity/income/output/whatever
• figure out who loses the least from clean up

Then, the economists say, if it’s really expensive to clean up now and relatively cheaper to clean up later then we should postpone clean up. 

Sure, engage in the action at a time when the cost of that action is lowest.  Seems to make sense…EXCEPT THAT IT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT!

It might make economic sense but it doesn’t make a damn bit of common sense at all.  Now I might be an economist but I’m also a rational human being and I know horseshit when I smell it.

To me the global warming debate is pretty simple: there’s a mess, we’ve seen the mess, now it’s time to CLEAN IT THE FUCK UP!

If you come home one day to find a steaming heap of dog shit in your yard, you don’t sit around weighing the costs and benefits of cleaning it up.  You don’t think about the opportunity cost of the 5 minutes it’s going to take you to clean it up then weigh that against the utility cost of having shit in your yard.  You get a shovel out of the garage and you clean up the dog shit.

And.  And.  And:

 if you do sit there and assess the cost of clean up now versus what the cost would be to wait until later and have your son clean it up, guess what?  That doesn’t make you an economist - IT MAKES YOU A LAZY ASSHOLE WITH DOGSHIT IN HIS YARD!

Jeff Barry.  Out.    

To all ‘07 M4K Participants: If you came to my fundraising party, sponsored my stach with a donation, or otherwise supported my attempt to grow a mustache for a good cause then I’m talking to you. By showing your support for the Texas Children’s Hospital through M4K attendance and/or donation you’ve earned the title “Participant.” Wear it proudly. 

We have a lot of fun with Mustaches for Kids - we crack lots of jokes about Burt Reynolds, wear sweet outfits to complement our ’staches, and drink plenty of beers. It’s a hell of a good time but, for most us, it’s also a great opportunity to support a cause that we are passionate about: Children’s Charities.  Many of you know me as a soccer coach, know that I spend a good portion of each day around children and so it probably doesn’t surprise you to learn that improving the health and welfare of our Nation’s children is a cause that’s very close to my heart. I would like to extend a very sincere thanks to all of you who participated this year and made this year’s Mustaches for Kids Fundraiser an enormous success. When the final tally came in this morning it was confirmed that our Houston M4K Chapter was able to raise a little under $8,000 in 4 weeks for the Texas Children’s Hospital - not bad for 14 sketchy dudes growing mustaches. All jokes aside, I’m very proud of our total. You all played a big part in that effort and I’d like to extend a heartfelt thanks to each of you: 

If you’d like to see what I was up against this year the photos from last night have been linked on the M4K Houston site:  http://m4khouston.wordpress.com/ 

I’m a little hard to find so just look for the Members Only coat. 

Jeff Barry. Out.